Today I will be discussing my experience with burn out. What it is, what it felt like and how I got out of it. If you are going through this, I am so sorry. There is a way out.
A quick definition of burnout is a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
The Downward Spiral
My burn out started a few months after covid lockdown had lifted. I had just started my career as a Pilates instructor and was planning on moving to San Diego California from Australia. At the time, I was over the moon and could not wait. The world was at my fingertips. I had started bodyboarding bigger waves; My social life was thriving after being stuck at home during Covid and I was loving my job. Altogether, this was one of the happiest periods of my life.
Bodyboarding at Box Beach
Photographer: https://www.instagram.com/caleb_nettle/
Ignoring my gut Feeling
Firstly, I met a guy. Looking back there was nothing wrong with this guy. However, we had very different priorities in life. My priority was travel and adventure, he wanted stability and a family. There is nothing wrong with that. Where I did go wrong was throwing away everything I had been working towards to fit what he wanted. I ignored my strange gut feeling about the relationship. He did not ask for this, I did it on my own. I was a people pleaser to my core.
Extreme Workload
Secondly, I picked up two Pilates instructor jobs. One was an hour away, they both wanted me around for longer term, leaving me feeling stuck. My boss at one of my jobs ridiculed my instructing in front of classes and I began to feel horrible at what I was doing. After that, I fell into a downward spiral. I was teaching 30 classes a week, alongside working extra hours as a receptionist. In addition I was trying to have a social life.
Reformer Pilates – My Bosses Here Were Lovely
Coping Mechanisms
As an introvert, I was constantly out of energy. I started consuming more coffee to stay awake. This lead to 5+ cups of coffee a day. My relationship was going downhill because I did not have time for anything. In addition, there was no time to workout or see my friends. I was getting 1 day off a week which was spent feeling stressed about not having time for myself. I was not getting to the beach or barely even getting outside.
I started using drinking on the weekends as a coping mechanism because I could not stop feeling anxious. The only thing that made the anxiety go away was drinking. In other words, not a good recipe.
I was extremely burnt out here, never trust Instagram.
Contributing factors to my burn out:
-Losing hope that I would get to move overseas (hopelessness)
-Constant fight or flight mode
-Unhealthy relationship
-No physical activity
-Loss of hobbies
-Loss of friends and not having time to be with family
-Unhealthy diet
-No time to rest or recover, or being unable to rest because I had too much on my mind
-Binge drinking every weekend
-Excessive caffeine
-No sleep
Looking back at everything I was doing; it makes sense why I felt this way. Making a list of what you are doing in your day to day might help you. How big is your workload, are you abusing substances as a coping mechanism, are you exercising and eating healthy? What about your hobbies, are you resting? Make a list like the one above. Then maybe you will gain some hope, you will have specific things you can work on.
As a result, I started having trouble lifting my arms. My whole body felt fatigued. Walking was hard, I could not sleep because I was so stressed. Getting out of bed felt impossible most days. I became depressed and simultaneously constantly anxious. This was what burnout felt like for me. It felt like being physically and mentally drained but unable to stop and relax. Even though my body was screaming for help. It felt like no matter what I did nothing would get better. From the outside it is easy to say quit your job, sleep it off. When you are in it, it feels so much worse.
The Recovery Process
In a nutshell, this was how I spiraled into a burnout. So how on earth did I fix it? It all began with ending my relationship. This was a big part of my hopelessness; I was not enjoying the presence of the person I was with. They had a negative mindset towards life and it impacted me heavily. Finally, I was able to open the possibilities for my future. At the time, it was the hardest thing in the world. Looking back, it was the best thing I could have done for myself.
Buying My One Way Ticket
I bought my plane ticket to California; this gave me hope again. In addition, I picked up surfing as a hobby. This began replacing alcohol. After that, I did not want to drink on the weekends because I would miss out on all the best surf.
Eating Better
I began seeing a nutritionist. She helped me with my iron deficiency and gave me tips on how to eat to decrease stress. My favorite tips were firstly, to eat as soon as possible after a workout. This stops your stress levels from rising and replenishes your energy. Secondly, eat in the morning before drinking my coffee to help with energy and anxiety. Thirdly, make sure I was hydrated. She described it as water is the train carriage bringing all the nutrients into your body. The more train carriages, the more nutrients, the more energy.
Quitting My Job
I quit my job. I had no mornings to myself for over a year apart from maybe one a week. I have now learned that I enjoy starting work later in the day because then I can wake up slowly and get as much sleep as I need. This meant I didn’t need to worry about missing my alarm and disappointing a class at 6am. This was a big reason I was not sleeping.
A Rare Morning to Myself – Queensland
Exercising
These changes were just the beginning. I was still not sleeping and waking up with a shoot of adrenaline. The next tip is the most important thing I did. I was listening to a podcast which I will link below. It was a psychologist talking about stress and burnout. She asked the question “Back in the day, if you were wandering around and you saw a lion you would run back to your village. When you got to your village, closed the gate, and watched the lion walk away your stress would decrease. Would your stress lower because the threat was gone? Or was it the running that lowered your stress?
My first thought was obviously the threat disappearing. This was how I was approaching my own stress, keep removing the threats and my stress will lower, right? Wrong, her answer was that running lowers your stress. Acting on that fight or flight response was what lowered stress. Because of this discovery, I began implementing 5–10 minute cardio workouts when I woke up. This was when my adrenaline would hit. Furthermore, I would then sit and meditate or stretch for 5-10 minutes. This made a massive difference in my mental health. Therefore, I started regaining little bits of energy.
Beginning to Exercise Again
Podcast Episode:
https://open.spotify.com/embed/episode/5djelmO0B0FEpRaw49CQzJ?utm_source=generator
Sleeping
I ended up taking sleeping tablets to help my insomnia. I still remember the first night I took these and slept through the whole night. It was incredible! This was when I really felt my stress levels go down.
Light at the End of the Tunnel
It has taken me almost a year and a half since making these changes to feel better. If you are dealing with severe burnout, don’t lose hope after making changes and not feeling different. Above all, the biggest thing that got me through it and feeling better was determination. It was waking up every day and forcing myself to get out of bed. It was a very slow and discouraging process.
Keep getting out of bed, it will get better.
