When I bought a one-way ticket to San Diego I was dealing with a lot of heavy thoughts. I was working 6 days a week, burned out to the point where lifting my arms was a challenge, had just gone through a draining breakup and felt like my life was not going anywhere. I had started dealing with intense anxiety which sent me into a spiral. My dream had always been to travel and live overseas, I now had nothing to lose. When I bought the plane ticket, I was left with $100 to my name and 8 months to figure it out.
If you are anything like me and tend to deal with procrastination, I highly recommend giving yourself 8 months to a year to plan. From there lock it in so you cannot back out of it. For me it was purchasing a $1000 non-refundable plane ticket. I did not want to spend that for no reason. Sure, I had no plan. I no longer had any choice but to figure it out.
Preparing to Leave
I kept pushing through my days, now I had something to look forward to. I assumed travel was going to instantly fix what was happening inside. Around 6 months before I would fly out, I met my current boyfriend. He mentioned that he wanted to come if we went backpacking instead of just moving. We decided on a 6-month backpacking trip through Mexico and Central America.
The above picture was taken in El Salvador.
When you have a f**k it moment and decide to do that thing that has been niggling at you for however long, you have a strange mix of emotions. Part of you is so excited you dance and scream sing in the car. The other part of you is scared, so you start to simultaneously deal with self-doubt. I began questioning if this was the right thing to do. I had only known my boyfriend for 2 months at this stage and I was going to Mexico with him? What if something happened and he left me there? What if I got kidnapped or killed? You get the point. Your mind is trying to keep you safe; it does not know if this is safe because it is unknown.
I noticed I also started to see my town through rose coloured glasses. I started to really appreciate my family, my friends and even where I lived. Did I really want to leave? The beaches were so beautiful! Was my job really that bad?
Box Beach – Shoal Bay (my home town)
You start to get unsolicited advice from other people. Both good and bad. I was a Pilates instructor at the time and heard all sorts of strange things from my clients. Someone told me about their sister getting robbed at gunpoint in Mexico in her hotel room so said I need to be very careful. I read a book called American Dirt before I left, I would not recommend reading this before you go to Mexico. It is not comforting, although it is an awesome book so maybe keep it for after your travels. I also got people telling me that this is the best thing I could do and that I need to travel while I am young.
As the day for me to fly out drew closer, I started to panic here and there. I have always found it hard to save. I started selling all my things including my car. In total I ended up saving $17,500 for the 6 months. I had no idea if this would be enough. In life I think a big misconception I had for a long time was that you learn how to do something, then you do it. From personal experience it is usually the opposite. You need to start doing something to learn how it is done. It was enough money.
The last couple of months was a blur. I caught up with as many friends as I could, made sure to spend lots of time with my family and worked hard. The day finally came to fly out. I remember how terrified and excited I was. I had never lived away from home so it was a massive step. The feeling of getting on the plane and knowing that I had no return date to Australia was weirdly comforting. I had dreamed of doing it for so long.
Landing in San Diego
The one thing I did not expect was for my mental struggles to continue. I had assumed that after a couple of nights of sleep I would feel energized and calm. After dealing with severe anxiety for over a year every single day, now looking back it is not a surprise that it did not go away.
I still had trouble getting myself out of bed in the morning. I still felt like my chest was so tight that it was about to explode. Every time I felt anxious at home I would lay in my bed and watch movies. Now I did not have my own bed. I also could not constantly watch movies because I would miss out on all the amazing places I was visiting. It took me 3 months of travelling to feel better. Even then I would have three good days and four bad days. At least I had started to have good days.
Flying above San Diego
I have a post discussing anxiety and severe burnout as I now have a lot of experience with it. Having a one-way ticket gave me hope. Then I had 6 months of time without distraction to face my issues. I am grateful now because if I face those heavy feelings again, I know how to handle them. Taking that first step toward something you have been daydreaming about will rarely be what you picture, but it will teach you a lot about yourself.
San Diego playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sGdkil4j3Jt3A1gJV0FiY?si=3b434a8e54d940ef
